Funky Mood

So I don't know what it is about today but I'm in a really funky mood, one that I haven't been in in a long time. I think a lot of it has to do with that Tyler and I broke up a week and a day ago today. Even though he changed so much I still miss him like crazy!!! It is so weird going to bed at night not talking to him. I got so used to hearing the words "Goodnight my sweet muffin, I love you." before I went to bed and now I don't hear them anymore.

On Monday I talked with Tyler's mom for over an hour about everything. She was telling me that her and his dad have seen a big change in Tyler and they don't like it either. They are thinking that once he gets back to BG and moves into his apartment that things will go back to how they used to be. But I don't know if they will or not. I don't know if when he does come back what will happen with him and I. Yes I love him so much and want to be with him but I don't want to be with they Tyler he has become. Just like his mom said, we want our old Tyler back. She asked me to keep talking to him and text him everynow and then but I just don't know if I can or not. Or even if I should. When he broke up with me he used the line that all guys use "I hope that we can still be friends." Why would a guy say this??? As I told Tyler if I'm friends with you I will fall for you and harder than I did before.

There are times that I think that I'm not going to find someone to live my American dream with but then I know that God has someone out there for me and he just hasn't brought him into my life yet because he knows that I'm not ready. But then I think what if God has brought him into my life and I just over looked him??? Its all just so confusing. Why does love have to be this way?

When I was at Ichthus I got to see the rock band Skillet who i love!!! When I got back I downloaded their latest cd and hadn't really listened to it until the other day. While I was listening to it the song "Say Goodbye" came on and I stopped what I was doing and listened to hit because it hit hard for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TuEUxuWR0I

Things had been fine with us before he moved back to Priceton for the summer and then once he did things changed. I would remember him always telling me that we could make it, we were going to be fine during the summer, its just 3 months baby...... For some reason deep down inside of me I knew we wouldn't and this would end up happening.....

Even though we had only been dating for 5 months (7 if you count when we started talking) he already knew me more than anyone else did. He knew my dreams and so much more. We even brought up marriage some. There is one day that I will always remember.... We were hanging out one night and decided to come back to campus and sit at the top of the hill over looking the city. It was so pretty because it was right at sunset and the city lights were coming on below us. We had been talking about what we wanted to do with our lives when we got out of college and all. I was telling him my dreams of becoming a teacher and having a classroom of my own. And how I wanted to get married and be a stay at home mom and just different things like that. Tyler hadn't been saying but and I asked him if everything was okay. He turned to me and said "Can I just go ahead and marry you now?" I didn't think that he was being serious but he really was. He had told me that I was everything he wanted and more in a wife. And now I look back at that memory and don't see how in the world I could have had that special moment with the man that he has become today. Oh how I want that Tyler back.....

Fun Friday

So its finally Friday and oh how happy am I! Today starts my time of fun and I couldn't be anymore happier. After being a little upset that Tyler wasn't going to be coming tonight I decided to make other plans and just have a good time of my own. It was really weird because I was thinking of asking Jennifer to do something tonight but she beat me to it. LOL! Since both of us are poor we decided on ice cream and a moovie at Chaney's. Yeah I have been there basically everyday this week but oh well its okay. After working there for 2 years I have never gone to an ice cream and a moovie so why not go tonight. Jennifer is so much fun and I'm so thankful that she has come to WKU and found Woodburn! Its great.

Now tomorrow is the day that I have been looking forward to now for 3 weeks! TYLER IS COMING DOWN TO VISIT!!! I have never been so excited to see someone in my life. This last week has been kinda hard on us so its going to be great to see him and just to be able to be with him. He is going to be in BG around noon and leave Sunday night when I have to go to my meeting at Chaney's. So over 24 hours I will be with him. I wish it was more but I understand and have just accepted the fact that right now it just can't be. I feel like a little giddy school girl and I know I will be that way when I see him. Its gonna be one of those scenes from a movie, like you know when the couple is running to each other and the girl jumps into the guys arms.....

Sometime though in all of this time spending with Tyler I have to get my stuff together for ICHTHUS..... Oh man when am I going to get to do this? Oh well I'm not gonna worry about it, I'll get it together when I get it together. You see I'm trying this new thing that Tyler in way but didn't really know it challenged me to. I'm not gonna let worry control my life. I worry about a lot of things and some of them I don't need to. Tyler calls it "having a lack of faith". So I have decided that I'm going to stop worrying about the small things in life and start from there.

I have decided that I am going to take Wednesdays to do a little ranting and raving about what has gone on in the last week. And oh man has a lot gone on.

1. I don't think that I have stated this before but on top of going to school during the year I also work 2 jobs to help pay for my schooling. I love both of my jobs to death! The people are amazing and so much fun to work with. We cut up and have a great time but then there are times where I just want to throw my hands up and say I'm done! I quit! To be able to work at one of my jobs during the summer I have to come downstairs and cover the phones while everyone else goes to lunch. I don't mind doing this that often but there are just some days that it just crawls all over me... like today. So yes I understand that one of the ladies is going to be getting married soon and they want to take her out to eat but could they of had anymore disrespectful manners? Called me 5 minutes before they needed me and then when I got here I didn't even get a simple thank you for coming down earlier. What would they do if I had said no I can't? Some days I want to tell them that! It drives me nuts. There are 2 of them and neither one of them want to budge in their schedules to let me go early. Grr! Yes I know that I don't need to be complaining because I do have a job that is very laid back but sometimes..... MAN!
2. Have you ever had one of those weeks where it seems that you aren't going to be able to get anything accomplished that you need to because of everything else that is going on? Man do I have one of those weeks! I have so much that I need to do for next week and its just AHHHH nothing is going right! Thank goodness though that Wendi and I have been able to solve some problems that we were facing with Ichthus. Aldi's is our lifesaver for having 24 packs of water for $2.99. WUHU got Aldi's!